


Scarecrow (SEASON ONE, EPISODE ELEVEN)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon, Episode: s01e11 Scarecrow, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6810181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Deanz daddy sendz dem ta a lil' small-ass hood where tha playa hatas sacrifice couplez ta a pagan god which manifests all up in a scarecrow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

FADE IN: Burkitsville, Indiana- One Year Ago fo' realz. A hooked up couple, HOLLY n' VINCE PARKER is leavin a cold-ass lil café, which is next ta a gas station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. With dem be a olda couple, HARLEY n' STACY JORGESON, n' they teenage niece, EMILY.

 **STACY  
** And before you leave, one of our apple pies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! (Bitch handz HOLLY a funky-ass box). On tha house.

 **HOLLY  
** Oh, mah God, fuck you like it aint no thang!

 **STACY  
** You’re welcome.

 **HOLLY  
** (to VINCE) Yo, we should git lost mo' often. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, mah playas up in dis hood is so sick.

 **VINCE  
** Yeah, what’s tha catch?

 **HARLEY  
** (afta fillin tha couple’s hoopty wit gas) You’re all set.

 **VINCE  
** Thanks.

They shake hands. EMILY notices a intricate tattoo on VINCE’s arm.

 **EMILY  
** That’s a cold-ass lil def tattoo.

 **VINCE  
** Thanks.

 **HARLEY  
** So, let’s git you back ta tha interstate.

 **VINCE  
** Yeah, please.

 **HARLEY  
** Take Laskey straight outta town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **STACY  
** And then you’re gonna turn right on Orchard Road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **VINCE  
** Shut tha fuck up. Nuff props, biatch.

They wave peace out n' tha couple drives away.

CUT TO: Da hood orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da couple’s hoopty breaks down.

 **HOLLY  
** What happened?

 **VINCE  
** I don’t know. Hoopty just died. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (Dude takes his cell beeper outta his thugged-out lil' pocket.) Beeper, like a muthafucka.

 **HOLLY  
** How tha fuck is dat possible, biatch?

They git outta tha hoopty n' look round tha orchard.

 **VINCE  
** Come on, be lookin like a doggy den over there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Dude starts struttin away.

 **HOLLY  
** Fuck dat shit, I’m not goin down there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **VINCE  
** Holly, we need help, we can’t just wait here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **HOLLY  
** (very reluctantly) Shut tha fuck up.

Bitch bigs up VINCE.

CUT TO: Another part of tha orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! HOLLY n' VINCE stop by a scarecrow raised on a wooden post. They exchange a look n' strutt closer ta dat shit.

 **VINCE  
** Peep it out. If I only had a funky-ass dome…

 **HOLLY  
** Us thugs wouldn’t be lost.

 **VINCE  
** Thanks. That has gots ta be tha freakiest damn scarecrow I’ve eva seen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **HOLLY  
** It scares mah dirty ass. (They start struttin away yo, but HOLLY sees tha scarecrow’s head move. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gasps.) Please, let’s just hurry, aiiight, biatch?

They start struttin away fo' realz. A few secondz later, they hear a rustlin up in tha trees n' turn around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! No one is there.

 **VINCE  
** Did yo dirty ass hear that, biatch? (HOLLY nods.) Hello, biatch? Who’s there, biatch?

No Muthafucka responds. They start hustlin all up in tha orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A minute later, HOLLY turns ta VINCE, n' he is gone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch stops.

 **HOLLY  
** Vince, biatch? Vince, biatch?

Bitch starts hustlin up in tha opposite direction ta try n' find VINCE. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch trips n' falls on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch turns her head n' sees VINCE’s mutilated body on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch screams n' sees tha scarecrow towerin over her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch continues ta scream while tha camera pans ta tha scarecrow’s now empty post.


	2. ACT ONE

CUT TO: INT.- motel. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN is chillin. DEAN’s beeper rings but da ruffneck do not wake up.

 **SAM  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (DEAN still don’t wake up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM lyrics tha phone.) Hello, biatch?

CUT TO: A payphone up in California. Da scene alternates between tha payphone n' tha motel bedroom.

 **JOHN  
** Sam, is dat yo slick ass, biatch?

SAM sits up in bed.

 **SAM  
** Dad, biatch? Is you hurt, biatch?

 **JOHN  
** I’m fine.

 **SAM  
** We’ve been lookin fo' you everywhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Us dudes didn’t know where you were, if you was aiiight.

 **JOHN  
** Sammy, I’m all right. What bout you n' Dean, biatch?

At tha motel, DEAN is wakin up.

 **SAM  
** We’re fine. Dad, where is yo slick ass, biatch?

DEAN sits up in bed.

 **JOHN  
** Sorry, kiddo, I can’t rap that.

 **SAM  
** What, biatch? Why not?

 **DEAN  
** Is dat Dad, biatch?

 **JOHN  
** Look, I know dis is hard fo' you ta understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! You’re just gonna gotta trust me on all dis bullshit.

 **SAM  
** You’re afta it, aren’t yo slick ass, biatch? Da thang dat capped Mom.

 **JOHN  
** Yeah. It’s a thugged-out demon, Sam.

 **SAM  
** A demon, biatch? Yo ass know fo' sure, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** A demon, biatch? What’s da perved-out muthafucka saying, biatch?

 **JOHN  
** I do. Listen, Sammy, I, uh…I also know what tha fuck happened ta yo' hoe yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. I’m so sorry bout dat bullshit. I would’ve done anythang ta protect you from dis shit.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know where it is?

 **JOHN  
** Yeah, I be thinkin I’m finally closin up in on dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Let our asses help.

 **JOHN  
** Yo ass can’t. Yo ass can’t be any part of dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Why not?

 **DEAN  
** Give me tha phone.

 **JOHN  
** Listen, Sammy, that’s why I’m calling. Yo ass n' yo' brother, you gotta stop lookin fo' mah dirty ass fo' realz. Alright, now, I need you ta write down these names.

 **SAM  
** Names, biatch? What names, Dad- talk ta me, tell me what’s goin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **JOHN  
** Look, our phat asses don’t have time fo' all dis bullshit. This is bigger than you think, they’re everywhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Even our asses poppin' off up in dis biatch, it’s not safe.

 **SAM  
** No fo' realz. Alright, biatch? No way.

 **DEAN  
** Give me tha phone.

 **JOHN  
** I have given you a order n' shit. Now, you stop followin me, n' you do yo' thang. Yo ass KNOW me son, biatch? Now, take down these names.

DEAN grabs tha beeper from SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Dad, it’s mah dirty ass. Where is yo slick ass, biatch? (…) Yes, sir. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. (…) Uh, yeah, I gots a pen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. What is they names, biatch?

CUT TO: INT.- DEAN’s car.

 **SAM  
** Alright, so, tha names Dad gave us, they’re all couples?

 **DEAN  
** Three different couplez fo' realz. All went missing.

 **SAM  
** And they’re all from different towns, biatch? Different states, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** That’s right. Yo ass gots Washington, New York, Colorado. Each couple took a road trip cross-country. None of dem arrived at they destination, n' none of dem was eva heard from again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** Well, it’s a funky-ass big-ass ghetto, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They could’ve disappeared anywhere.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, could’ve. But each one’s route took ‘em ta tha same part of Indiana fo' realz. Always on tha second week of April. One year afta another afta another.

 **SAM  
** This is tha second week of April.

 **DEAN  
** Yep.

 **SAM  
** So, Dad is bustin our asses ta Indiana ta go hustlin fo' suttin' before another couple vanishes?

 **DEAN  
** Yahtzee. Yo ass betta imagine puttin together a pattern like this, biatch? All tha different obits Dad had ta go through, biatch? Da man’s a masta n' shit. (SAM looks annoyed, pulls over ta tha side of tha road n' turns off tha car.) What is you bustin?

 **SAM  
** We’re not goin ta Indiana.

 **DEAN  
** We’re not, biatch?

 **SAM  
** No. We’re goin ta California. Dad called from a payphone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sacramento area code.

 **DEAN  
** Sam.

 **SAM  
** Dean, if dis demon capped Momma n' Jess, n' Dad’s closin in, we’ve gotta be there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. We’ve gotta help.

 **DEAN  
** Dad don’t want our help.

 **SAM  
** I don’t care.

 **DEAN  
** He’s given our asses a order.

 **SAM  
** (firmly) I don’t care. Us dudes don’t always gotta do what tha fuck da perved-out muthafucka say.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, Dad be askin our asses ta work thangs, ta save lives, it’s blingin.

 **SAM  
** Alright, I understand, believe me, I understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But I’m poppin' off one week here, dude, ta git lyrics. To git revenge.

 **DEAN  
** Alright, look, I know how tha fuck you feel.

 **SAM  
** Do yo slick ass, biatch? (DEAN seems shocked at SAM’s tone.) How tha fuck oldschool was you when Momma died, biatch? Four, biatch? Jizz took a dirt nap six months ago yo. How tha fuck tha hell would you know how tha fuck I feel?

 **DEAN  
** Dad holla'd it wasn’t safe. For any of us. I mean, he obviously knows suttin' dat our phat asses don’t, so if da perved-out muthafucka say ta stay away, we stay away.

 **SAM  
** I don’t KNOW tha blind faith you have up in tha man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, it’s like you don’t even question his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, it’s called bein a phat son! (SAM, mad salty, gets outta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN also gets up n' watches SAM unloadin thangs from tha trunk.) You’re a selfish bastard, you know that, biatch? Yo ass just do whatever you want. Don’t care what tha fuck anybody thinks.

 **SAM  
** That’s what tha fuck you straight-up think?

 **DEAN  
** Yes, it is.

 **SAM  
** Well, then dis selfish bastard is goin ta California.

Dude puts on his backpack n' starts struttin away.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, you’re not straight-up n shit.

 **SAM  
** I be straight-up n shit.

 **DEAN  
** It’s tha middle of tha night son! Yo, I’m takin off, I'ma leave yo' ass, you hear me son, biatch?

SAM stops struttin n' turns around.

 **SAM  
** That’s what tha fuck I want you ta do.

They stare at each other fo' all dem seconds, waiting.

 **DEAN  
** Peace out, Sam.

Dude closes tha trunk, gets up in tha car, n' drives away. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches his ass leave, then starts struttin away.

CUT TO: Burkitsville, Indiana. DEAN pulls over ta tha side of tha road n' pulls up his beeper yo. Dude selects tha name “Sam Mobile” n' be thinkin bout callin SAM yo. Dude chizzlez his crazy-ass mind n' closes his beeper, then shuts off tha hoopty n' gets out.


	3. ACT TWO

CUT TO: EXT.- Scotty’s Café. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SCOTTY is chillin up in a cold-ass lil chair on tha porch. DEAN strutts up ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** (gesturin ta tha sign) Let me guess. (points ta SCOTTY) Scotty.

SCOTTY looks all up in tha sign.

 **SCOTTY  
** Yep.

 **DEAN  
** Yea muthafucka, mah name’s Jizzy Bonham.

 **SCOTTY  
** Isn’t dat tha disc jockey fo' Led Zeppelin?

 **DEAN  
** (taken aback) Wow. Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Funky-Ass rock fan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SCOTTY  
** What can I do fo' you, John, biatch?

DEAN takes two piecez of paper outta his thugged-out lil' pocket. They is Missin Person flyers fo' HOLLY n' VINCE PARKER.

 **DEAN  
** I was wonderin if, uh, you’d peeped these playas by chance.

SCOTTY looks all up in tha flyers.

 **SCOTTY  
** Nope. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is they?

 **DEAN  
** Playaz of mine. They went missin on some year ago. They passed all up in somewhere round here, n' I’ve already axed round Scottsburg n' Salem-

 **SCOTTY  
** Sorry. (Dude handz tha flyers back ta DEAN.) Us dudes don’t git nuff strangers round here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

DEAN nods.

 **DEAN  
** Scotty, you’ve gots a smile dat lights up a room, anybody eva rap that, biatch? (SCOTTY stares at his ass strangely. DEAN chuckles.) Never mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! See you around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

Dude strutts away.

CUT TO: Highway. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is standin on tha side of tha road. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude turns round n' sees a lil' hoe wit short blonde hair, MEG, chillin wit her back ta his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is listenin ta music.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

Bitch can’t hear his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude strutts over ta her n' puts his hand on her shoulder n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch jumps n' takes off her headphones.

 **MEG  
** Yo ass scared tha hell outta mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** I’m sorry bout dat bullshit. I just thought you might need some help.

 **MEG  
** Fuck dat shit, I’m good, props.

 **SAM  
** Uh, so where you headed?

 **MEG  
** No offense yo, but no way I’m spittin some lyrics ta you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** Why not, biatch?

 **MEG  
** Yo ass could be some kind of freak. I mean, yo ass is hitchhiking.

 **SAM  
** Well, so is you, biatch.

MEG laughs fo' realz. A van honks its horn n' pulls over.

 **VAN DRIVER  
** Need a ride?

 **SAM n' MEG  
** Yeah.

 **VAN DRIVER  
** (to SAM) Just her n' shit. I ain’t takin’ you, biatch.

MEG gathers her thangs n' gets up in tha van.

 **SAM  
** (to MEG) Yo ass trust shady van muthafucka n' not me son?

 **MEG  
** Definitely.

They drive away.

CUT TO: INT.- Jorgeson General Store. Burkitsville, Indiana.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass shizzle they didn’t stop fo' gas or something, biatch?

HARLEY shows tha pictures ta STACY. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STACY shakes her head.

 **HARLEY  
** Nope, don’t remember ‘em. Yo ass holla'd they was playaz of yours, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** That’s right.

EMILY comes downstairs carryin some boxes.

 **EMILY  
** Did tha muthafucka gotz a tattoo?

 **DEAN  
** Yes, da ruffneck done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

EMILY puts tha boxes on tha counta n' looks all up in tha picture of VINCE.

 **EMILY  
** (to STACY n' HARLEY) Yo ass remember, biatch? They was just married.

 **HARLEY  
** (suddenly remembering) You’re right. They did stop fo' gas. Weren’t here mo' than ten minutes.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass remember anythang else?

 **HARLEY  
** I holla'd at ‘em how tha fuck ta git back ta tha Interstate. They left town.

 **DEAN  
** Could you point me up in dat same direction?

 **HARLEY  
** Sure.

CUT TO: INT.- DEAN’s hoopty yo. Dude is rollin by tha orchard when dat schmoooove muthafucka hears a noise comin from tha backseat.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell, biatch?

Dude pulls over n' reaches tha fuck into his bag yo. Dude pulls up tha EMF meter, which is beepin frantically.

CUT TO: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN is struttin round n' sees tha scarecrow on its post yo. Dude strutts over ta it n' looks at it fo' a second.

 **DEAN  
** Dude, you fugly. (Da scarecrow don’t move. DEAN notices a sickle up in tha scarecrow’s hand n' a thugged-out design on its arm. DEAN takes a ladder from a nearby tree n' climbs ta tha top so dat he is eye level wit tha scarecrow yo. Dude moves its threadz n' recognizes tha design from VINCE’s tattoo yo. Dude pulls up VINCE’s flyer n' compares tha designs, which is exactly tha same yo. Dude looks all up in tha scarecrow again.) Sick tat.


	4. ACT THREE

FADE IN: Burkitsville gas station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN pulls up in his hoopty n' gets out. EMILY is standin by tha gas pumps.

 **EMILY  
** You’re back.

 **DEAN  
** Never left.

 **EMILY  
** Still lookin fo' yo' playas, biatch?

DEAN nods.

 **DEAN  
** (noticin EMILY’s nameplate necklace) Yo ass mind fillin’ her up there, Emily, biatch? (Bitch grabs a pump n' starts fillin up DEAN’s tank.) So, you grew up here, biatch?

 **EMILY  
** I came here when I was thirteen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I lost mah muthafathas. Hoopty accident. My fuckin aunt n' uncle took me in.

 **DEAN  
** They’re sick people.

 **EMILY  
** All Y'all’s sick here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** So, what, it’s the, uh, slick lil town?

 **EMILY  
** Well, you know, it’s tha boonies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! But I gots a straight-up boner fo' dat shit. I mean, tha towns round us, playas is losin they cribs, they farms. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. But here, it’s almost like we’re pimped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

DEAN nods.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, you been up ta tha orchard, biatch? Yo ass peeped dat scarecrow?

 **EMILY  
** Yeah, it creeps me out.

DEAN laughs.

 **DEAN  
** Whose is it?

 **EMILY  
** I don’t know. It’s just always been there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

 **DEAN  
** (noddin towardz a red van parked by tha garage) That yo' aunt n' uncle’s?

 **EMILY  
** Hustla n' shiznit yo. Had some hoopty shits.

 **DEAN  
** It’s not a cold-ass lil couple, is it, biatch? A muthafucka n' a girl, biatch?

EMILY nods.

 **EMILY  
** Mmhmm.

DEAN looks concerned.

CUT TO: Bus Station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is poppin' off ta tha clerk.

 **CLERK  
** Sorry, tha Sacramento bus don’t run again n' again n' again till tomorrow. (Bitch checks tha schedule.) Uh, 5:05 PM.

 **SAM  
** Tomorrow, biatch? There’s gots ta be another way.

 **CLERK  
** Well, there is. Loot a cold-ass lil car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

SAM, annoyed, leaves tha ticket window yo. Dude takes up his PalmPilot n' selects DEAN’s beeper number.

 **MEG  
** (sittin on tha floor wit her bags) Hey.

SAM looks at her, confused, n' turns off his PalmPilot without callin DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Hey.

 **MEG  
** Yo ass again.

 **SAM  
** What happened ta yo' ride?

 **MEG  
** Yo ass was right. That muthafucka was shady yo. Dude was all hands. (SAM raises his wild lil' fuckin eyebrows.) I cut his ass loose. (SAM looks around, pissed tha fuck off.) What’s tha matter?

 **SAM  
** Just tryin ta git ta California.

 **MEG  
** (surprised) No way.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **MEG  
** Me like a muthafucka. (Bitch standz up n' strutts toward SAM) Yo ass know, tha next bus isn’t until tomorrow.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Yeah, that’s tha problem.

 **MEG  
** Why, biatch? What’s up in Cali that’s so blingin?

 **SAM  
** Just suttin' I’ve been lookin for. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. For a long-ass time.

 **MEG  
** Well, then I’m shizzle it can wait one mo' day, right, biatch? (SAM laughs. MEG extendz her hand n' SAM shakes dat shit.) I’m Meg.

 **SAM  
** Sam.

CUT TO: INT.- Scotty’s Café. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SCOTTY is servin tha couple whose hoopty broke down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude puts two platez of apple pie up in front of dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SCOTTY  
** We’re hyped fo' our apples. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, you gotta try dis pie.

 **GIRL  
** Oh, no. It- please.

 **SCOTTY  
** It’s on tha house.

DEAN strutts in.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, hey, Scotty. Can I git a cold-ass lil coffee, black, biatch? (SCOTTY strutts away ta git dat shit.) Oh, n' a shitload of dat pie, too, while you’re at dat shit. (Dude sits at a table next ta tha couple.) How tha fuck ya doin’, biatch? (Da couple waves n' smiles.) Just passin through?

 **GIRL  
** Road trip.

 **DEAN  
** Hm. Yeah, me like a muthafucka.

They nod. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SCOTTY strutts over ta refill they cider.

 **SCOTTY  
** I’m shizzle these playas wanna smoke up in peace.

 **DEAN  
** Just a lil thugged-out conversation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (SCOTTY strutts away.) Oh, n' dat coffee, too, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Thanks. (SCOTTY looks agitated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. DEAN keeps poppin' off ta tha couple.) So, what tha fuck brangs you ta town?

 **GIRL  
** Us playas just stopped fo' gas fo' realz. And, uh, tha muthafucka all up in tha gas station saved our lives.

 **DEAN  
** Is dat right?

 **MAN  
** Yeah, one of our brake lines was leaking. Our thugged-out asses had no idea yo. Dude was fixin it fo' us.

 **DEAN  
** (concerned) Sick people.

 **MAN  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** So, how tha fuck long till you’re up n' runnin’?

 **MAN  
** Sundown. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Really. (Dude be thinkin bout it fo' a minute.) To fix a funky-ass brake line, biatch? (Da playa nods.) I mean, you know, I know a thang or two bout cars. I could probably have you up n' hustlin up in bout a hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I wouldn’t charge you anything.

 **GIRL  
** Yo ass know, props a shitload yo, but I be thinkin we’d rather gotz a maniac do dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Sure. I know. (Dude pauses.) Yo ass know, it’s just dat these roads. They’re not real safe at night.

Da couple exchange a look.

 **GIRL  
** I’m sorry?

 **DEAN  
** I know it soundz strange yo, but, uh- you might be up in danger.

 **MAN  
** (annoyed) Look, we’re tryin ta eat. Okay?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. (Dude looks pissed tha fuck off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Da couple seems worried by DEAN.) Yo ass know, mah brutha could hit you wit dis mini-dawg dawg look, n' you’d just loot right tha fuck into dat shit.

Da bell above tha café door jinglez n' one of mah thugs strutts in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SCOTTY comes up from a funky-ass back room.

 **SCOTTY  
** Thanks fo' coming, Sheriff.

DEAN looks straight-up trippin n' frustrated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SCOTTY whispers suttin' up in tha sheriff’s ear, n' they both peep DEAN, whoz ass looks away. Da sheriff strutts over ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **SHERIFF  
** I’d like a word, please.

 **DEAN  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I’m havin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shitty-ass dizzle already.

 **SHERIFF  
** Yo ass know what tha fuck would make it worse, biatch?

DEAN nodz slowly.

CUT TO: Interstate. Da sheriff’s hoopty is followin DEAN’s hoopty ta make shizzle DEAN leaves. When he is gone, tha sheriff turns round n' drives back ta Burkitsville.

CUT TO: Bus Station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' MEG is chillin at a table wit brews n' different chickens round dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **SAM  
** So, what, is you on some kind of vacation or something, biatch?

MEG laughs.

 **MEG  
** Yeah, right. It’s all sippin Cristal poolside fo' mah dirty ass. (They laugh.) No. I had ta git away from mah crew.

 **SAM  
** Why?

 **MEG  
** I gots a straight-up boner fo' mah muthafathas fo' realz. And they wanted what’s dopest fo' mah dirty ass. They just didn’t care if I wanted dat shit. I was supposed ta be smart. But not smart-ass enough ta scare away a homeboy. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (SAM smiles.) It’s just…because mah crew holla'd so, I was supposed ta sit there n' do what tha fuck I was holla'd at. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So I just went on mah own way instead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! (SAM stares at her muthafuckin ass.) I’m sorry bout dat bullshit. Da thangs you say ta playas you hardly know.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, it’s all gravy. I know how tha fuck you feel. Remember dat brutha I mentioned before, dat I was road-trippin with, biatch? (MEG nods.) It’s, uh, it’s kind of tha same deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack.

 **MEG  
** And that’s why you’re not ridin wit his ass no mo', biatch? (SAM shakes his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! MEG raises her brew bottle.) Here’s ta us. Da chicken might be bad, n' tha bedz might be hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But at least we’re livin our own lives fo' realz. And no muthafucka else’s.

SAM taps his forty against hers n' they both drink.

CUT TO: Interstate. Night. DEAN is rollin back ta Burkitsville.

CUT TO: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da couple’s hoopty has fucked up down n' they is struttin all up in tha orchard.

 **GIRL  
** I can’t believe dat shit. Us playas just gots tha hoopty fixed.

 **MAN  
** This way.

They start struttin towardz a cold-ass lil clearing. Da scarecrow moves quickly behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Da hoe gasps n' they turn around.

 **GIRL  
** Steve, biatch?

They hear mo' noises.

 **STEVE  
** Who’s there, biatch?

They look round n' tha scarecrow comes up from behind tha trees. Well shiiiit, it begins struttin towardz them, n' they start hustlin away. They is almost all up in tha clearin when DEAN runs up in front of dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They stop.

 **DEAN  
** Git back ta yo' car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. (Da couple looks behind dem n' sees tha scarecrow gettin closer.) Go! Go! (Da couple runs away. DEAN cocks his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' blasts tha scarecrow, which stumblez but keeps strutting. DEAN begins hustlin, cocks his wild lil' freakadelic glock again, n' blasts fo' realz. Again, tha scarecrow keeps going. DEAN tries one mo' time yo, but tha scarecrow keeps moving. DEAN keeps hustlin.) Go! Go!

Finally, DEAN n' tha couple reach tha clearing. DEAN cocks his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' looks around yo, but tha scarecrow has disappeared.

 **STEVE  
** (panting) What- what tha hell was that?

 **DEAN  
** Don’t ask.


	5. ACT FOUR

 

FADE IN: Bus Station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Middle of tha night. MEG is chillin on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is chillin by his bags, on tha beeper wit DEAN. Da scene alternates between tha bus station n' DEAN’s car.

 **SAM  
** Da scarecrow climbed off its cross?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I’m tellin’ ya. Burkitsville, Indiana. Fun Hood. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

 **SAM  
** It didn’t bust a cap up in tha couple, done did it?

 **DEAN  
** No. I can’t cope without you, you know.

 **SAM  
** So, suttin' must be animatin it fo' realz. A spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, it’s mo' than a spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. It’s a god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A Pagan god, anyway.

 **SAM  
** What make you say that?

 **DEAN  
** Da annual cycle of its cappin's, biatch? And tha fact dat tha suckas is always a playa n' a biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Like some kind of fertilitizzle right fo' realz. And you should peep tha locals. Da way they treated dis couple. Fattenin’ ‘em up like a Chrizzle turkey.

 **SAM  
** Da last meal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Given ta sacrificial suckas.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I’m thankin a ritual sacrifice ta appease some Pagan god.

 **SAM  
** So, a god possesses tha scarecrow...

 **DEAN  
** And tha scarecrow takes its sacrifice fo' realz. And fo' another year, tha crops won’t wilt, n' disease won’t spread.

 **SAM  
** Do you know which god you’re dealin with?

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, not yet.

 **SAM  
** Well, you git into what tha fuck it is, you can git into a way ta bust a cap up in dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** I know. I’m straight-up on mah way ta a local hood college. I’ve gots a appointment wit a pimp. Yo ass know, since I don’t have mah trusty sidekick geek pimp ta do all tha research.

SAM laughs.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, if you’re hintin you need mah help, just ask.

 **DEAN  
** I’m not hintin anythang fo' realz. Actually, uh- I want you ta know….I mean, don’t think….

 **SAM  
** Yeah. I’m sorry, like a muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Sam. Yo ass was right. Yo ass gotta do yo' own thang. Yo ass gotta live yo' own game.

 **SAM  
** Is you trippin like a muthafucka?

 **DEAN  
** You’ve always known what tha fuck you want fo' realz. And you go afta dat shit. Yo ass stand up ta Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And you always have yo. Hell, I wish I- anyway….I admire dat bout you, biatch. I’m proud as a muthafucka of you, Sammy.

 **SAM  
** I don’t even know what tha fuck ta say.

 **DEAN  
** Say you’ll take care of yo ass.

 **SAM  
** I will.

 **DEAN  
** Call me when you find Dad.

 **SAM  
** (sadly) OK. Bye, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

They hang up. MEG wakes up n' moves next ta SAM.

 **MEG  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck was that?

 **SAM  
** My fuckin brutha n' shit.

 **MEG  
** What’d da perved-out muthafucka say?

 **SAM  
** Peace out.

They exchange a look.


	6. ACT FIVE

CUT TO: Communitizzle College. Day. DEAN is wit tha college pimp.

 **PROFESSOR  
** It’s not every last muthafuckin dizzle I git a research question on Pagan ideology.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, call it a hobby.

 **PROFESSOR  
** But you holla'd you was horny bout local lore?

 **DEAN  
** Mmhmm.

 **PROFESSOR  
** I’m afraid Indiana isn’t straight-up known fo' its Pagan worship.

 **DEAN  
** Well, what tha fuck if dat shiznit was imported, biatch? Yo ass know, like tha Pilgrims brought they religion over n' shit. Wasn’t a shitload of dis area settled by immigrants, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Well, yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Like dat hood near here, Burkitsville. Where is they ancestors from?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Uh, northern Europe, I believe, Scandinavia.

 **DEAN  
** What could you tell me bout dem Pagan gods, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Well, there be hundredz of Norse godz n' goddesses.

 **DEAN  
** I’m straight-up lookin fo' one. Might live up in a orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

CUT TO: College classroom. Da pimp puts a big-ass book down on a table n' opens dat shit.

 **PROFESSOR  
** Woodz god, hm, biatch? Well, let’s see.

Dude leafs all up in some pages. On one page, DEAN notices a picture of a scarecrow on a post surrounded by farmers up in a gangbangin' field.

 **DEAN  
** Wait, wait, wait. What’s dat one, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Oh, that’s not a woodz god, per se.

 **DEAN  
** (reading) Da V-Vanir, biatch? (Da pimp nods.) Da Vanir was Norse godz of protection n' prosperity, keepin tha local settlements safe from harm. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some villages built effigiez of tha Vanir up in they fields. Other villages practiced human sacrifice. One male, n' one female. (points ta tha picture) Kind of be lookin like a scarecrow, huh, biatch?

 **PROFESSOR  
** I suppose.

 **DEAN  
** (reading) This particular Vanir that’s juice sprung from tha sacred tree?

 **PROFESSOR  
** Well, Pagans believed all sortz of thangs was infused wit magic.

 **DEAN  
** So what tha fuck would happen if tha sacred tree was torched, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin it’d bust a cap up in tha god?

 **PROFESSOR  
** (laughing) Son, these is just legendz we’re discussing.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, of course. Yeah, you’re right. Listen, fuck you straight-up much.

Dude shakes tha pimp’s hand.

 **PROFESSOR  
** Glad I could help.

DEAN strutts ta tha classroom door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. When he opens it, tha sheriff hits his ass on tha head wit tha end of his bangin rifle. DEAN falls ta tha ground, n' tha sheriff n' tha pimp exchange a knowin look.

CUT TO: Streetz of Burkitsville. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STACY, HARLEY, SCOTTY, n' tha sheriff is standin up in tha rain, upset.

 **SCOTTY  
** Yo ass don’t understand, Harley fo' realz. All of our asses here- It’s our responsibilitizzle ta protect tha town.

 **HARLEY  
** I understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Betta than all of you, biatch. I’m tha one dat gives ‘em directions. I’m tha one dat sendz ‘em down ta tha orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **SHERIFF  
** Harley, please.

 **HARLEY  
** We all close our doors. Look tha other way. Pretend we can’t hear tha screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. But dis is different, this- this is cappin' n' shit.

 **STACY  
** It’s mad salty wit our asses fo' realz. Already tha trees is beginnin ta take a thugged-out dirt nap. Tonight’s tha seventh night of tha cycle. Our last chance.

 **HARLEY  
** If tha pimp has ta die, tha pimp has ta take a thugged-out dirt nap. But why do it gotta be her, biatch?

They say not a god damn thang yo, but stare all up in tha ground, pissed tha fuck off. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Da camera pans away from dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

CUT TO: Cellar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN is by his dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, tha cellar door opens n' EMILY is there, bein held by her aunt n' uncle. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is crying

 **EMILY  
** Aunt Stacy. Uncle Harley,. Biiiatch please.(They brang her down tha stairs, next ta DEAN n' go back upstairs.) Why is you bustin this?

 **STACY  
** For tha common good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

Bitch shuts tha cellar door n' DEAN n' EMILY is left up in tha dark. Da screen goes black.

FADE IN: Bus station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. MEG is gatherin her thangs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is tryin ta booty-call DEAN on his beeper.

 **MEG  
** Hey. Our bus came in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

SAM hangs up tha phone, bobbin his head.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass betta catch dat shit. I gotta go.

Dude puts on his backpack.

 **MEG  
** Go where?

 **SAM  
** Burkitsville.

 **MEG  
** Sam, wait.

 **SAM  
** I’ve been tryin ta booty-call mah brutha fo' tha last three hours. I’m just gettin his voicemail.

 **MEG  
** Well, maybe his thugged-out lil' phone’s turned off.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, that’s not like his muthafuckin ass. Meg, I be thinkin he might be up in shit.

 **MEG  
** What kind of shit?

 **SAM  
** I can’t straight-up explain n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. I’m sorry, look, I don’t want you ta miss yo' bus.

 **MEG  
** But I don’t understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! You’re hustlin back ta yo' brother, biatch? Da muthafucka you ran away from, biatch? Why, cuz da thug won’t pick up his thugged-out lil' phone, biatch? Sam- come wit me ta California.

 **SAM  
** I can’t. I’m sorry bout dat bullshit.

 **MEG  
** Why not?

 **SAM  
** He’s mah crew.

SAM leaves. MEG watches his ass go, close ta tears.


	7. ACT SIX

CUT TO: Cellar. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN is tryin ta open tha cellar door yo, but he fails.

 **EMILY  
** I don’t understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They’re gonna bust a cap up in us?

 **DEAN  
** Sacrifice us. Which is, I don’t know, classier, I guess, biatch? (Dude strutts over ta her muthafuckin ass.) Yo ass straight-up didn’t know anythang bout this, did yo slick ass?

 **EMILY  
** Bout what, biatch? Da scarecrow god, biatch? I can’t believe all dis bullshit.

 **DEAN  
** Well, you betta start believing, cause I’m gonna need yo' help.

 **EMILY  
** Okay.

 **DEAN  
** Now, we can fuck wit tha scarecrow yo, but we gotta find tha tree.

 **EMILY  
** What tree?

 **DEAN  
** Maybe you can help me wit dis shit. Well shiiiit, it would be straight-up old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da locals would treat it wit a shitload of respect, you know, like dat shiznit was sacred. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **EMILY  
** There was dis one apple tree. Da immigrants brought it over wit dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They call it tha First Tree.

 **DEAN  
** Is it up in tha orchard?

 **EMILY  
** Yeah yo, but I don’t know where, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho.

Da cellar door opens n' tha four eldaz is standin there.

 **STACY  
** It’s time.

DEAN n' EMILY peep each other, nervous.

CUT TO: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da eldaz is tyin DEAN n' EMILY ta two adjacent trees.

 **DEAN  
** How tha fuck nuff playas have you capped, Sheriff, biatch? How tha fuck much blood is on yo' hands, biatch?

 **SHERIFF  
** Us dudes don’t bust a cap up in dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shiznit yo, but you shizzle cover up afta n' shit. I mean, how tha fuck nuff rides have you hidden, threadz have you buried, biatch?

Da sheriff strutts away.

 **EMILY  
** Uncle Harley,. Biiiatch please.

 **HARLEY  
** I be so sorry, Em. I wish it wasn’t you, biatch.

 **STACY  
** Try ta understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It’s our responsibilitizzle fo' realz. And there’s just no other chizzle. There’s no muthafucka else but you, biatch.

 **EMILY  
** I’m yo' crew.

 **STACY  
** Sweetheart, that’s what tha fuck sacrifice means. Givin up suttin' you ludd fo' tha pimped outa good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Da hood need ta be safe. Da phat of tha nuff outweighs tha phat of tha one.

Da four eldaz strutt away.

 **DEAN  
** I hope yo' apple pie is freakin’ worth dat shiznit son!

 **EMILY  
** So, what’s tha plan, biatch?

 **DEAN  
** I’m workin’ on dat shit.

FADE TO: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Hours later.

 **EMILY  
** Yo ass don’t gotz a plan, do yo slick ass?

 **DEAN  
** (slightly panicked) I’m workin’ on dat shit. Yo ass betta see, biatch?

 **EMILY  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Is he movin yet?

 **EMILY  
** I can’t see. (A shadow is peeped movin near tha trees.) Oh mah Dogg. (As it moves closer, DEAN tries ta untie his bangin ropes.) Oh mah Dogg hommie!

SAM comes up from behind tha trees.

 **SAM  
** Dean?

 **DEAN  
** (overjoyed) Oh! Oh, I take every last muthafuckin thang back I holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I’m so aiiight ta peep you, biatch. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. (SAM begins untyin DEAN from tha tree.) How’d you git here?

 **SAM  
** I, uh- I stole a cold-ass lil car.

 **DEAN  
** Haha! That’s mah pimp dawwwwg! And keep a eye on dat scarecrow yo. Dude could come kickin it any minute.

 **SAM  
** What scarecrow, biatch?

DEAN gets up n' sees tha scarecrow’s post is empty yo. Dude n' SAM exchange a straight-up trippin look. Da screen goes black.

FADE IN: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM, DEAN, n' EMILY is hustlin.

 **SAM  
** Alright, now, dis sacred tree you’re poppin' off about-

 **DEAN  
** It’s tha source of its power.

 **SAM  
** So let’s find it n' burn dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Nah, up in tha morning. Let’s just shag ass before Leather Face catches up. (Da three of dem reach a cold-ass lil clearing. Waitin fo' dem is tha eldaz n' all dem other townspeople.) This way.

They turn round but they is blocked up in all directions.

 **EMILY  
** Please. Let our asses go.

 **HARLEY  
** It’ll be over quickly, I promise.

 **EMILY  
** Please.

 **HARLEY  
** Emily, you gotta let his ass take you, biatch. Yo ass have to-

All of a sudden, tha scarecrow sticks his sickle all up in HARLEY’s stomach. EMILY n' STACY scream, then STACY is captured by tha scarecrow, like a muthafucka. EMILY runs tha fuck into DEAN’s arms while dat schmoooove muthafucka her aunt n' uncle is dragged away by tha scarecrow. Da rest of tha townspeople run away up in fright.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, let’s go.

SAM, DEAN, n' EMILY start hustlin. They hear a noise n' turn around yo, but tha scarecrow n' its suckas have disappeared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da three of dem stay there n' look around.

FADE TO: Orchard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Morning. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM, DEAN, n' EMILY strutt ta tha sacred tree wit gasoline n' a lighter n' shit. Da tree is marked wit VINCE’s tattoo design. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM goes ta tha tree n' pours tha gasoline on dat shit. DEAN picks up a long-ass branch n' lights dat shit.

 **EMILY  
** Let mah dirty ass.

Bitch takes tha branch from DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass know, tha whole town’s gonna take a thugged-out dirt nap.

 **EMILY  
** Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg!

Bitch throws tha burnin branch onto tha tree, n' tha three of dem peep it go up in flames.

FADE TO: Bus Stop. EMILY is gettin on a funky-ass bus ta Boston. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch smilez at DEAN, whoz ass waves ta her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch waves back n' takes a seat. DEAN n' SAM peep tha bus muthafuckin bounce.

 **SAM  
** Think she’s gonna be aiiiight?

 **DEAN  
** I hope so.

 **SAM  
** And tha rest of tha townspeople, they’ll just git away wit it?

 **DEAN  
** Well, what’ll happen ta tha hood will gotta be punishment enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. (They start struttin ta DEAN’s car.) So, can I drop you off somewhere, biatch?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I be thinkin you’re stuck wit mah dirty ass.

They stop all up in tha car.

 **DEAN  
** What made you chizzle yo' mind?

 **SAM  
** I didn’t. I still wanna find Dad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And you’re still a pain up in tha ass. (DEAN nods.) But, Jizz n' Mom- they’re both gone. Dad is Dogg knows where, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass n' mah dirty ass. We’re all that’s left. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, if we’re gonna peep dis through, we’re gonna do it together n' shit.

DEAN pauses.

 **DEAN  
** Hold me, Sam. That was dope naaahhmean, biatch?

Dude puts his hand on SAM’s shoulder, whoz ass hits it away. They laugh.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass should be humpin' mah ass, you was dead meat, dude.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, right. I had a plan, I’d have gotten out.

 **SAM  
** Right.

They smile n' git up in tha car.

CUT TO: Highway fo' realz. Another shady muthafucka is givin MEG a ride.

 **VAN DRIVER  
** So, where to, pretty lady?

 **MEG  
** How tha fuck bout you pull over?

 **VAN DRIVER  
** (looks at her) Okay. That works. (Dude pulls over n' shit. MEG reaches tha fuck into her bag n' pulls up a silver bowl.) What’s that?

 **MEG  
** I’ve gots ta cook up a cold-ass lil call.

Bitch reaches tha fuck into tha bowl ta git something.

 **VAN DRIVER  
** I’ve gots a cold-ass lil cell beeper you could use.

 **MEG  
** It’s not dat kind of call. (Bitch pulls up a knife n' slits tha van driver’s throat. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch holdz tha bowl under his neck n' lets his blood pour tha fuck into dat shit.) Thanks fo' tha ride. (Bitch begins stirrin tha blood up in tha bowl wit her finger.) Tire quiero patem me a gangbangin' finger-lickin' di. (Da blood swirls round n' a silver orb appears up in tha middle of tha liquid.) It make no sense. I could’ve stopped Sam yo. Hell, I could’ve taken dem both. Why let dem go, biatch? (Bitch pauses, seemingly listenin ta one of mah thugs tha crew cannot hear.) Yes yes y'all. (Bitch pauses again.) Yes yes y'all. (Bitch pauses one mo' time.) Yes, Father n' shit.

 


End file.
